It's that time of year again when we all take a moment to reflect on the road we have been traveling for 365 days. Ups and downs, turns, crashes and burns, starts, stops and every bump you could possibly hit. The scenic routes and the long dark roads, you have made it to the end of this stretch and it's time to move on to a new road, a new chapter, a new destination. Let's reflect...
I've gone through a lot this year. Lots of tears, lots of breakdowns, lots of questioning my life and where I will go. I also have had more moments of joy, laughter, smiles and love then I have ever had in my life. This year wrapped up my marriage and relationship of almost 9 years. It was the best thing that could have ever happened to me and my kids. Why? Because no one deserves to live everyday like they are replaceable. This was the first year I've really lived and it's been amazing.
It also opened up a new take on love that I personally doubted was ever in the cards for me. I've discovered love and support comes in many ways. I gained friendship that I've never had. The joy and laughter that it has brought into my life by being allowed to have "girl time" and true friendship from many people I have met this year, really has opened up all new experiences for me. People are amazing. They all bring something different into your life and most of the time you didn't even know you were lacking until they are there, and you realize how much you needed someone like them. Each person I have met this year, made friends with, I have spoken to, or had the pleasure of knowing for just a moment or that I'm taking into the new year, thank you. Thank you for supporting me, talking with me, listening to me cry, and allowing me to enjoy the energy you bring into this world. Thank you for sharing my life and allowing me to share yours.
So many amazing people and there are so many more!
Something else I learned this year was that I'm a really strong person, so much braver than I thought and I am one hell of a mother and not afraid to say so. I've been put through things this year I never thought I would have to deal with and I'm still here and I'm still kicking ass and taking names. I've had to learn that even though I lived so many years being told I couldn't and I was never anything on my own that I truly am a boss and nothing can stop me if I put my heart and mind into it. Life is scary and sometimes you fall and question if you will make it but truly the only thing that can stop you is if you yourself choose to give up and throw in the towel. My life is mine now and in one year I have come so far and become someone that no one can stop and no one will control my happiness again. My kids depend on me to be strong and that's the motivation I live on every day. Those smiles and giggles and tiny hands to hold. I'm working so hard to rebuild a stable and happy life for us. To teach them what it is to be a good honorable person and to treat others well and and be a hard worker too. I am me, I am strong and I am unstoppable. I want my children to see a woman like that.
My best creation.
Who I am personally has changed too. The security in who I am with out any regrets in being so. I'm figuring out who I was always meant to be and not allowing anyone to tell me different or break my spirit to keep me from flying. I lived so long with being torn down for simply being myself that it's been a challenge moving forward and positively accepting myself and not looking back. For accepting my beliefs and opinions. For realizing that what I think and feel matters and my wants are important and shouldn't be ignored for someone else's benefit. I remember when I was told "Emily get over this rockabilly thing." I remember when I use to care that people judged me or stared at me because I was differen. I'm learning that I matter and I have a purpose and I will never ignore that again. It's hard loving yourself in this world and it's a daily struggle to keep your confidence up but damn it I will not let others steal my joy and self love. Anyone not willing to help me grow positively has no place in my life. I will not regret who I am or apologize for being so. Never again will I allow someone else to dictate my future. You can't live to your fullest potential of you allow others to control how you see yourself.
One thing I've always had trouble accepting is the success of my hard work in "The Vintage Doll". I don't see myself as a well known pinup model or an internet famous social media person. I'm learning the balance of humble but being proud of what I have done with my passion. I never in a million years thought it would be what it is or people would love my brand. I've been working so hard on it for almost 6 years but over this past year it has sky rocketed and I'm still learning to juggle it all. People message me asking for help and praise me for what I've created and I just sit there thinking "I'm just myself and doing what I love" but maybe that's the key to achieving your dreams? I have gotten to work with some of the most amazing companies in this culture that want me to promote for them. They notice me and it blows my mind and I'm so greatful for the opportunities they give me. I get to help brands grow and share what I love with so many people. Pages, websites and magazines want interviews and for me to write for them. I get to work with amazing photographers and then become friends with them. I'm friends with models who I idolize in this industry and people who I follow come to me for advice! It's sureal and crazy and I'm so blessed to get to do what I do. I never stop working on my craft and over this year the hard work is truly showing and I'm very proud of myself. What I do is not easy. It isn't about being pretty or being glamorous, it's about being a business woman and working your ass off to get what you want. It's about being honest and getting screwed over by sucky people and still keeping your head on straight. It's about being patient and humble and appreciating what you have. I get to work with amazingly talented people and share my passion with them and man is it amazing!
Through out this year I think I would have to say that the one thing I doubted in life truly does exist. The one thing that we are all looking for and hope to find for ourselves. True companionship. True team work and support from another. Love. I thought I was in it years ago but it was just my innocent childlike heart acting on emotions it didn't understand and boy did it get me in a mess. Over the past two years I've discovered something I can only explain in the form of magic and day dreams. Something I counted myself out of long ago and here it is, making me a believer. Love is not something we should ever give up on. It comes to us in many forms and to help in many ways and takes a lot of patience to find. Sometimes we have to learn the hard way through horrible heartbreak before we realize what is real and what we deserve. When you find it and I mean really find it you know. It fixes pain and brings hope and I am so hopeful these days.
So what else can I say. If you've stuck with me this far thank you for reading. This past year was amazing. It was hard and scary, it taught me a lot and I've grown massively in my work, my life and who I am as a person. I am thankful for each and everyone of you for sticking by me and supporting me on my journey. It's crazy how a very normal doll like me can share her life over social media and gain such joyous energy from others. The love I receive from you all truly is something I value. I love you guys. Here is to the new year. New chances and opportunities. New hopes and dreams. New loves and friends. New lives.
Happy New Year