Sunday, January 31, 2016

To Feed Or Not To Feed: A Models Guide To Dealing with Haters!

Haters.... The Internet is full of them. Thanks to the rise of social media and the ever growing sites people can share their lives on, and allow random strangers to comment their opinions on those said lives, the more sucky people come out of the wood works. Social media has given people known as "haters" a huge platform to stand on and there seem to be more and more competing for the top spot of "Douche Bag #1" They are everywhere and attack everyone with out even thinking about the hate and poison they spread. They just see someone who intimidates them in even the smallest way and they lash out! No one is safe from these people. Models, Internet personalities, actors, companies, mothers, fathers, teenagers, children, the disabled, the every day human being of any and every sort is a target for a hater. They do not respect themselves much less anyone else. They have no boundaries, no lines they will not cross, no limits to their hateful poisonous behavior. They lash out at strangers, they lash out at those who correct them, they lash out at anyone who holds them accountable for their actions. Bullies, cowards and insecure people in your every day life and those who hide behind the screens of their computers and phones to attack innocent people everyday that they do not even know.

Let's talk about why? 
As a model and Internet personality I have been on the receiving end of some of the worst attacks from "haters". I have been torn apart in both my appearance and personality. I have been called a whore, slut, and marriage destroyer by women who are intimidated by my photos. I have been called anorexic and told to just "slit your wrists and kill yourself already instead of starving yourself slowly". I have been called a bitch, cunt, whore, slut and tease from men who get upset when I don't live up to the fantasy they have created between us in their own heads. I have been accused of using my children to get likes due to sharing the fact that I am a mother. I have been told that I am divorced due to being an "internet whore"  I have been attacked by little girls, teenagers, grown men and women, pages, websites, strangers, and so called friends. All different forms of hate all being spewed by the exact same type of person. Needless to say, I have had to deal with more than my fair share of "haters".... What is one thing that all of these people have in common you might ask? Complete and total disregard of simple respect for another human being. They do not care about the hurt they cause, the self worth destroying outcome of their behavior or the fact that people have killed themselves over the hater activity of bullying. 
Let me use an issue I went through as an example... 
Fact: Once you post content on the Internet, anyone in the world has the option to steal it and put it anywhere they want. They are able to break laws, steal content, cause harm to your brand or name, hurt you, your family, your job, defame you and anything you've worked for. 
Fact: There are ways to fight against these things. There are laws and you could take them to court. Only if you choose to spend the money to do so. You can contact certain people and try to have them take it down but that is likely to lead to more lash outs towards you. 
Fact: just because you post your photos or content online does not make you fair game to be used however others see fit. Model or not. You are a human being that deserves respect and others do not have the right to steal your content and tear you apart or use it how they please just because doing the wrong thing is an option thanks to the Internet. Just because you are a model or social media person does not mean you are fair game to anyone who wants to attack you simply because you share your passion online with the world or try to help people via social pages. You are a person not an object. It's called doing the right thing and being honest. 
 As a social media person, and model who is well known in her field, my work is shared all over the Internet. Mostly by similar pages and people admiring and supporting what I do. I'm aware of these possibilities and do not mind. I know what goes with the job that I have buy that does not mean I have to be ok with or others have the right to use my work or my brand as they see fit just because the Internet allows them to right click and save. At times I have had pages, websites and random people share my work in places and in ways that I am 100% against and could do harm to my name and brand that I have spent years working towards. Not to mention just down right not ok by me as a person. They degrade me, mock me, tear me apart, bully me, judge me, me treat me like I am not a person. Just because I am a model does not mean I am not a person. The term model does not mean to be judged by all or in no way means asking for harassment and bullying because of what I do for a living. You don't have to be a model or social media figure to have these things happen to you. These types of hate posts are created daily towards people of every age, shape, color, religion, and so on. Is this legal? Most of the times unfortunately. The Internet is a very unfair place where people can be treated very poorly and just have to deal. It isn't about legal it's about doing the right thing and not being a poor excuse for a human. There are loop holes that You could take to use against these people but not with out funds to go about doing it properly through legal action. Can you ask to have these things taken down? Yes but unfortunately as you can see in the photo above a lot of times when you nicely ask to have something posted against you taken down, you are just lashed out at more.... Why? Because the poster that is behind the entire situation is a "hater" who enjoys seeing you mad, hurt, embarrassed, and upset. Nicely asking will not get you anywhere with these people, so your next emotion is to be angry and lash out back! I've been there. I've tried handling haters at their own level but let's face it, even if I laid flat on my face in a twenty foot hole I still wouldn't be as far down as most of these people. So what should you do? 
There are two types of haters. 
Every day haters: People who are just ugly negative people in this world who lash out at others daily and use social media to attack others for no reason just because they are negative people with such low self worth that they take it out on anyone who makes them feel less than. 
Mass followed haters: social media pages and websites created to post photos of others with out consent to mock and tear down for enjoyment. 
Most people just deal with every day haters, but the more social media grows and allows hate pages to stay up, every day people who don't choose to be or want to be shared or gain attention on the Internet, are starting to experience mass hating after having personal images stolen and posted on pages to be mocked and bullied by the followers. Yes, try to report these posts first for harassment but sadly social media sites don't usually help the little guy.  It is happening more and more to people and it is destroying their self worth and confidence. Social media pages do nothing to protect its users and no matter how many reports are made these people are subject to the torment these sites allow by having these pages stay up and continue to bully by the masses. To the point where several teens, young kids and adults have comet suicide over extreme online bullying. What's even more disturbing is the amount of "haters" drawn to these pages to follow and support the disgusting behavior and feed into it with their own sick enjoyment. 
So what can we do? What can we do together as both social media professionals and every day humans who are just trying to share our lives with the people we love only to have our personal experiences and images stolen to be mocked? What can we do when dealing with these types in our every day lives, work place, school and even in our own homes? Well I'm going to tell you! 5 things to help get past haters in your own life. 
1) Confront the "hater" or bully: Yea, yea I know "don't feed the haters" but maybe that's the problem with these people. Everyone lets them behave however they want and treat people awful so they think they can do whatever they want. NOT TODAY! You have a right to stand up for yourself. You have a right to say "No! Your behavior isn't ok. You are what's wrong with society. You are what's wrong with today's youth and why so many kill themselves! You are the problem and you should be ashamed of yourself! You are wrong and there is no excuse for you!" Don't feel bad for this! Be brave and be strong! 
2) Walk away: It's the hardest thing to do. I know. It's something I've really had to learn and focus on in my time on social media and in real life. After you've called them out, is when the don't feed the haters comes in to play. The one thing these people crave and want is attention. They want attention from you. The person they are attacking. If you don't give it to them they go away after a while. Haters are like fire. With no air fire is suffocated and goes out. It can't burn. Haters with out attention suffocate and lose interest and move on. Whats most important by doing this is keeping your own calm state of mind and not investing your time into something so negative and draining. 
3) Let it go and move on: You can not carry this negative energy around with you. It will literally eat you alive. Holding yourself to the standard and levels these haters put you at isn't real life and in no way defines you so don't let it alter the way you see yourself. Move on! Ignore what these people have to say. Their opinions and hate do not hold true weight in your life so don't let it pull you down. The person they are talking about is not you. They are not speaking fact about who you are so listening does not make sense. It isn't you!! They don't even know you! 
4) Do not act out in anger and retaliate: Again this is the attention they crave to keep their hate fueled. You trying to better them at their own game or act out in the same ways is not teaching them anything. You are just giving them more of your energy to turn around and attack you with. You spoke what you felt at the beginning of the issue and that's all that needs to be said. Haters are like 5 year olds. Once you have told them something, it's final, repeating yourself over and over just fuels the tantrum. 
Don't hold hate in your heart: There is a lot to be said about the bigger person in these situations. Keep in mind that even though haters can be very ugly and mean people that you want to punch in the throat, they are still human and most likely very broken ones at that. Their behavior is a reflection of the hurt and lacking in their own lives. Instead of learning to cope with their issues correctly they attack and bully those to feel in control of their out of control loves. Instead of being bitter towards them, hold forgiveness in your heart for even them because hate isn't healthy for anyone to carry. 
One thing that we will always have to deal with in life no matter who we are, what we look like, what we do or how we live our lives is bullies and haters. It doesn't matter if you lose weight, it doesn't matter if you changed your style or what you are into, it doesn't matter if your hair was different or your personality, because it isn't you that's the problem. You were never the problem and that's why they picked you. They saw you as better than them so they lashed out. You are either someone they want to be or having something they want. Your shine shadowed them and they wanted to dull it for their own gain. 
Some people are just jerks and will always be so. No matter how hard you try to be nice they will lash out. They will either learn in time or they will always be ugly and sour. That isn't for you to fix and it isn't fair to make you suffer for it. You can only make sure your heart is in the right place. Live in kindness and be honorable and do the right thing. I don't care if it's the Internet and it's possible to do something or act a certain way. Wrong is wrong. It is that simple. It will never be ok to bully or hurt people just because you can. You can also do the right thing. It's your choice to be a negative hater not someone else's. Only yours. 
In closing I want to say that I know it's hard to live with haters and having people constantly tear you down and steal your self worth. I know what it's like to have people unfairly attack you and judge you. To make up lies about who you are simply because who you really are makes them feel bad about the reality of ther own lives; But at some point you have to take control and take your life back. Ultimately haters only control what you allow them to. They can't make you anything you aren't with their lies and attacks unless you yourself change to be what they try and make you. By losing who you are due to some ugly negative persons jealous perception of you doesn't only rob you of your potential in life but it robs the world of the light you bring to it. It robs the world of your life and purpose here. Do not miss out on the joy and love of others around you because of one ugly soul. The world wants to give you so much and by letting go of the negative influences all of the positive ones can embrace you. So let it go and embrace the you that you truly are and not the lies of the hater who doesn't even know you. You are amazing and beautiful, you hold great purpose. 
Oh and one more thing... HATERS GON' HATE!! 
Emily Doll TVD 

Bye felicia!!!! 
REMEMBER!! I take my everyday experiences and turn them into life teaching tools to help others! To show others they aren't alone in life's ups and downs and we all go through them. I try to take the negatives I face and turn them into something that produces a positive effect for others! Feel free to share my articles with others!!