Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Leaving the glossed life and stepping into a matte future

I joke about being addicted to lip gloss but thinking back I really had a problem that I'm so glad I got under control. Spending hours searching through glosses at just about every store was a coping thing for me. I got lost in them instead of dealing with my anxiety and funny enough they helped me focus on something other than what was bothering me. I guess we all have vices in life that help us when we are having a hard time and mine was lip gloss. Its something I found a passion in early on and it carried over into my adult life only in a not so healthy way. 

I still remember my first lip glosses. Spending what seemed like hours in the makeup aisle at WalMart in the Cerritos Town Center in California where I grew up. Those little bins of Bon Bon oily roll on lip gloss with the glitter in the bottom. I lived for those things. That's all I was allowed to wear for the longest time. Greasy... glittery... roll on lip gloss. I was never one of the cool girls with the tins full of every flavored lip smacker lip balms possible. My best friend Nicole use to get those for her birthday and I was so jealous. She had the chain to wear them around her neck and everything. She would let me wear them because she was the worlds greatest friend. The day I graduated to Lip Smackers myself they had gone through some serious changes. Stepping up their game to so many different glosses, balms, and tubes of glitter gloss I couldn't control myself. My lips were constantly drowning in a sea of shiny sweet flavored glosses that ultimately looked the same on... clear. That's what I was allowed and I was ok with that. Just like now I was a sucker for packaging and anything in a new bottle needed to be in my collection. Walking around at 15 years old with a purse full of nothing but gum, a mirror and twenty lip glosses that were all the same... but they were different to me and I loved them all.

As I got older my addiction grew. From Lip Smackers, Bonne Bell, Jane and Mary Kate and Ashley to Maybelline, Cover Girl, Revlon... You name it I had it. I was so in love with anything that had a shine to it. Glitter and shimmer had me dizzy in love and I wanted more! I use to spend hours walking up and down the cosmetic aisle in any store possible. Reading and comparing and looking for new shades. I loved them all! Sticky! I didn't care! Get in my purse!

I landed my dream job as an MUA at Ulta at the age of 18 I really lost control. Free lip gloss constantly with training... I went from a makeup organizer to a full size desk! The two bottom drawers were full of lip gloss. Every brand, shade, limited edition colors, high glitters, low glitters, full pigment! I didn't care for lipstick. I thought I wasn't pretty enough to wear such bold bright full coverage colors so I never had any. Lip gloss... I had enough to wear all day every day for the rest off my life and ten after! I was addicted to that high shine and couldn't get enough of it.

After I quit working at Ulta and was moving into the next stage of my life, motherhood, Lip gloss became less worn and less important. Being a stay at home mom it wasn't practical. Leaving sticky kisses on my baby's fuzzy head was not fun. So I made a choice. I had bags of lip gloss I wasnt using. It just sat there and expired. I let my niece go through it, my older sister, any other girls I knew at the time. It was like a cleanse. Even after that I had more lip gloss than I needed but it was hard to let it all go. It was what I had a passion for.

The older I got and the more life changed for me as well as my personal style choices, so did my make up habits and the products I used. Both I and my routine became more simple. No longer did I crave the high shine of an overly priced tube of sticky glittery lube but chapstick was a trusted pocket buddy. It wasn't until I bought my first tube of matte red lipstick that I felt like I had found my one and only, something that depicted me for who I was at this stage in my life. This of course fell on the heels of me embracing my love of the retro and rockabilly style. I use to think I could never pull off such an intense and womanly thing like red lipstick. I let it scare me and punk me out. I took control of that real quick. Since day one many many years ago, I have been a matte lipstick girl. I loved the mature classy look of it. I loved that just like I was a completely different person so was my lip product. We matched and made sense and a whole new outlook on beauty, and were I stood with it was born.

People ask me all the time what my favorite lipstick is and its a simple answer for m... "Anything matte finish and red!" I have a very sturdy and well put together collection of matte red lipsticks of different undertones and hues. I have blue tone reds, pink tone reds and even some orange! All different and all different brands. The one thing they all have in common, matte finish.
Me and matte have become very close over the years. The older I get the more I get away from things I wore and loved when I was young. My style evolves as well as my beauty habits. I step away from glitters and gloss and go for highlight and matte. I'm evolving every day in who I am as a woman right along with my beauty choices. If I take time and really think about it I truly used lip gloss as a security and way to deal with my unhappiness and stress. Buying one more after one more thinking it will fix things and I was so far off from the reality of it. I don't even want to think about the money that just ended up expiring and going in the trash. People may laugh at me but it was a problem and it took me a long time to realize I was compensating for my unhappiness and anxiety. I didn't look at and deal with my problems I just organized my lip gloss and went back to the store for more.... We all have ways and even if they may be silly or you don't understand them we should all try to respect the struggles everyone goes through and we are all just trying to figure out how to cope and live daily.

I still have a makeup box full of lip glosses. I might want to wear one, one day. It's a day to day recovery in the land of lip gloss addiction for this girl but with the help of matte I'm getting there. I don't even look at the gloss section. I use to grab at least six glosses in the first five minutes, but not any more. I'm different now lip gloss and I don't need your comfort. I don't need to stand there looking at you and all your colors anymore to soothe my anxiety. That's what you really were. You helped me cope. You put my mind else where when I couldn't handle life. Not any more. I handle my life now. I embrace my anxiety and walk out my feelings until I get a grasp on them again. Thank you for being there, but I think matte and I work much better together. I know you will find and make many other girls happy with your glitter and shine.. This girl is moving on for now. I have to live out my matte future.

Emily Doll TVD

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