Friday, November 4, 2016

Humanity In Chaos: How My Personal Tragedy Inspired My View Of People

Humanity In Chaos
A Beautiful Insight from A Devastating Disaster 

Early October I had a normal day at work. I got home at  6:30 pm to my little boys running to me yelling "MOMMY!" I had just put them to bed, taken a shower and sat down in front of my computer with a pint of Ben & Jerry's and a zombie movie. I then noticed smoke whirling around my bedroom ceiling. I jumped up and quickly turned off the discount floor lamp I had bought thinking it over heated and was melting. Still more smoke. I ran around my room turning off my scented oil burners but again more smoke accumulated. That's when I heard my mother scream. I turned around to look out my door and all I could see what a warm light coming up the stairs and the lack of being able to see in my boys room due to the thick cloud blocking my view. I ran half way down the stairs to see our kitchen going up in bright flames and my mother screaming to get the boys. 
I ran into their room and grabbed them out of their bunk beds. I pulled my oldest over the top rail and was so worried I hurt him doing so. I drug them down our stairs and out the front door where I took them far out on the lawn. 
Ben started screaming for our cat Frank after he had fallen asleep on his bed with him that night. I turned to run back into the house and was blast in the face with such heat. It was unbearable and I was taken off guard by it. I could no longer see up the stairs due to the thick smoke but knew that I had to try. I ran up, couldn't see, couldn't breathe, I could hear frank crying. He was in my room in the window. I grabbed him and threw him out the front door and went back for my cat Fatness. I couldn't find her. Yelling was impossible with all the smoke and I knew I couldn't stay, it was too dangerous. All I could do was open all the windows and push out the screens hoping she would find her way out. 
I turned to run back down stairs and grab the only things I could and that was most important to the boys, their blankets. I knew they were not replaceable and would be needed. I grabbed my purse which had my car keys and thankfully my phone was already in my pajama pocket. 
After returning outside I quickly put my boys in my van along with my cat and my mothers dogs who she rescued. The fire department arrived after what seemed like forever. Throwing our burned couch out on our front lawn, Charlies melted Monster Trucks.... They were able to get the fire out and find my cat. My mother was in an ambulance and I was busy trying to grasp what had just happened. People kept looking at me saying "Oh man your face" I didn't realize until later it was black from all the smoke. When I have heard stories in the past about fires I never really understood how intense they are. How fast they get out of control and how unbearable the smoke is and how it completely takes over everything. It burned so hot that although the fire didn't reach the upper story, the heat managed to ruin what it couldn't get to. Melted hangers and plastic, broken electronics, shattered mirrors, my entire pint of ice cream chard into my bedroom rug...
The fire department left and the team arrived to secure our broken windows and doors from possible looters. We packed up what we could and headed about 45 minutes away to my big brothers house. 

Since then, we have learned that the entire house is considered a loss. All of my things, all of my children's things, and my parents home. It was hard to hear that my babies things were lost. Everything they love. I had to endure my youngest trying to reassure himself by asking "My monster trucks are ok?" It's very hard to have to answer that question when its the most important thing to him. 
It will be months before our home is rebuilt. I am thankful that my big brother is letting us stay with him until we can work out closer housing. Finding balance in this chaos has proven to be a very hard task. From schedule disruptions, doubling my commute time to drive from the country back down to the city to take my son to school than another commute to my job and back. Its hard to keep reasonable hours for my kids and my oldest is struggling with the much earlier wake up time. 
We are struggling. We are struggling with the loss. With the heart break. With the stress. With the exhaustion. We are struggling with all of it on top of what is already a crazy life as it is. Ben has had to leave doing gymnastics for a while. Its too far of a drive and I cant keep him up till 10 pm on a school night. We are hoping to have some help with closer housing soon to give us a closer drive and easy time. Either way, we are trying our best to adjust in this dilemma. 

Why am I sharing such a personal life tragedy? Well, because if I  and all of you can gain some type of positive outcome or lesson from this then at least it wont be a total waste right. Lets look at something here. It doesn't matter what your status is. What you look like. How much money you have or if you are famous. Life will always move forward for everyone.No one is safe. No one gets a free pass to go down easy street. Easy street isn't real. We are all living on the same planet spinning at the same speed and at times things are going to collide. This has been the scariest thing I have been through, and I have played over and over in my head what could of happened and what I could be grieving over instead of just trying to figure out how to get dressed for work due to my lack of clothes. If we would have been asleep when the fire started it would have been much worse and the loss could have been much greater and not something I could live through. You come to realize what really matters in life after losing everything. Material things are just that. They only hold the value we give them, but family, people, that is a loss that holds priceless value. My oldest son said to me "Mom you didn't get any of your stuff. OH MOM YOUR SHOES!" I told him that I got the only two things out of the house that I cant live with out. Him and His brother. I will forever hold the sweet little coy smile he gave me in my mind to look back on. 

Going through this has opened my eyes to something that is easy to forget about in this world these days. What? Kindness and love from humanity. From strangers and people I don't even know outside of my phone screen. I have received so much love and support from people all over the world in this hard time for my family and I. Emails upon emails from people checking on us, offering to send money, clothes, coffee, toys for my kids, makeup for me. It has been the most heart warming thing I have experienced. That people who only know me through their social media pages felt close enough to me after following me these past years to want to help my kids and I and that is so amazing. The love and genuine concern from all of you showed me that not all is lost in this world. People are so beautiful and we shouldn't allow them to be drowned out in a see of ugly natured hearts but be inspired by them to be the same way and to love and support others in this world. Kindness to fellow humans seems to be few and far between but I can say that I have been on he receiving end of this beautiful energy and we need more of it in this world. Such beautiful hearts I have seen from you all. Knowing my kids and I are struggling and for you to go out of your way in your personal life, suffering through your own personal struggles to help us with our own is just such a beautiful act and I want to thank all of you for that. 
Sometimes I feel like its never going to stop raining on me. Then a beautiful follower of mine on snap chat sent me an encouraging message saying "Learn to dance in the rain" and she is so right. With all of your beautiful support and love I can push forward and I can keep going. Love changes the world. Real genuine love between people and I have felt so much love from all of you. I could spend the rest of my life thanking you guys. 
The world drowns out the love and beauty it holds with its suffocating ugliness at times but thats when it is our job to stand up and show it that we can make it a beautiful place. We can go out of our way to be kind and loving towards everyone. Strangers, family, friends, people who have hurt us or betrayed us. We can show the world what true genuine beauty is by spreading that kindness and letting it catch on with others. 

You are all such beautiful people. I love you all so much. Your snaps and emails and love have more than helped keep me going. See, the problem is that so many people on the internet like me and that do what I do, seem to forget that you guys are not a number or just "Fans". You are real people sharing our lives with us and we build a relationship with you guys and you are there for us when hard things in life happens and I want you all to know how grateful I am. For every email, comment, silly snap to make me smile, for the Starbucks gift cards you have sent to keep me moving, to the pay pal love you have sent. My kids and I are so so thankful for all of that. I love you guys. You are my fish and I keep swimming with your help.

A lot of you have emailed me asking me to make a Go-fund Me. I want to address this because I think its important. I am learning to allow others to bless and help me in life like I do for others. I struggle with it. I don't think I deserve it and that others need it more. My mom told me that I do so much for people with my brand to help their businesses get off the ground or with personal counseling and I never ask for anything, so in times like these when it comes back around I need to learn to accept the love so those offering it can be blessed for their actions in return. I won't be making a Go-fund Me because I have so many amazing followers who would share it and so many new people would see it that it could take away the donation that someone would have given to another person if they didn't see mine. Maybe someone who had a house fire and didn't get as lucky as I did getting my kids out.. I am so thankful for your offers and I have given out my PayPal for those who have asked and have wanted to help my kids and I. But I don't want a Go-fund me out there taking away from someone who needs it more. I hope that makes sense. 
If your heart is pulled to reach out and help my boys and I, we are forever grateful and would be beyond blessed. My pay-pal is
I may have lost a lot of irreplaceable possessions, but I didn't lose the only things in life I cant live without and that's what matters. We have to learn to not use heartache and tragedy as an excuse to stop pushing or to give up. These are the times we need to push the most and work even harder and show ourselves that we can do anything and live through anything and be that much stronger after. I didn't know I could be as brave as I was. I am still finding big bruises and scratches on me from that night and I don't know how I got them. But I did it. I did the right thing and didn't panic. I survived and my family is ok. We are ok. We are going to find peace and balance. This wont stop me. I will do my best to continue my work and grow my brand. I will continue to use my life and my situtations to inspire and hep others. This house fire won't stop me. I burn back! ok, that was a little cheesy lol. We will continue to receive the love you all send and send it back to you. I apprecaite all of the positive good energy from you and hope that you all know how precious and amazing you are.
Know that I love you all. I love all of your faces so much. 

Emily Doll TVD 

"Remember To Always Be Yourself & You Will Always Be In Style!"
Emily Doll TVD

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