Get You A Girl Who... Can Be Herself!with Emily Doll
"They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, unfortunately most people have a very unrealistic and ugly perspective of what beauty really is. Is it perfect boobs? The perfect waist line? Maybe its a big fat booty and a tiny waist, or maybe its a tiny booty and an average waist? Either way, whatever that beauty looks like on the outside isn't what you should be focused on. Who is that girl on the inside, and what truly makes her a beautiful piece of art?"
I grew up feeding off of photo shopped images of what women were suppose to look like. I remember caking on so much concealer under my eyes I could have scraped it off with my finger nail after I became obsessed with beauty magazines, and thinking women's skin was suppose to be that flawless. Dark circles were one of the things I hated most about myself after that I started dedicating my time to beauty magazines. I wasn't even 16 yet and trying to change myself into what I saw flipping through the pages of Allure and Seventeen Magazine. What I didn't know, is that photo shop, even then, was the real hand behind the perfection I fed on, and no matter what beauty products I bought, I would never look that way. I didn't have anyone to talk to me about body image or being self conscious. I guess my family just figured it wasn't an issue. Looking back I see how big of an issue it was for me at such a delicate age in life. I have always been into the modeling, fashion and beauty industry, From binging on Top Model and never missing an episode, to wanting to be a famous MUA, it was always a passion for me. Sadly the older I have gotten. I can see how even though its an amazing passion and artistic form for so many like me, it also turns girls and grown women against their own bodies and that is heart breaking.
One of my favorite models right now is Ashley Graham. I say model because that's what she is to me. She is a boss bitch who owns her life and her goals and decides on her own image and doesn't let whats obvious to others define her. She doesn't inspire me souly based off the amazing work she is doing to build a strong platform for "Plus Size Models" but real women. Women with dreams and who work hard and don't let the opinions of sheep shape their personal destiny. Ashley Graham is where she is because she deserves it. She earned it. She works hard and is amazing at her craft. That woman deserves to be on top. She is an amazing role model for young girls and grown women. No, not because of her body type but because she is a strong woman who is showing girls that you set goals for yourself and you reach them no matter the doubt from others.
I get asked all the time how I have come to accept myself and how I have the confidence I do. Well, I think it's because over the past years I have learned to be all of who I am and not just pieces to make others happy with whatever idea of me it is they carry. Women are told to carry certain images at all times. Be sexy but not slutty, be pretty but don't think so, be outgoing but also classy, be feminine but also strong, be soft but not weak, always look perfect but don't be high maintenance. Do everything at once but don't look or be tired. Multitask but don't want credit for it, work hard but be underpaid for it.. I'm sorry what? Let me just make sure my house is clean, my kids are fed, I make money to pay my bills, all while this damn plastic tiara the world gave me sits perfect on my head. Bitch please!
I love how as women, we are suppose to carry this flawless sexual yet innocent image of pure perfection to whatever man or woman who wants to sexually categorize us as whether we are a smash or pass in their book. Last time I checked I didn't get up every morning to be accepted as do-able to the world. I woke up to achieve things, and live life to the fullest and hope to make a difference for both my kids and others who's lives I cross daily. Sadly, none of that seems to matter, when you step out into the world we live in today, you better hope you fit in to the ideal concept of a beautiful woman to EVERYONE and not get your feelings hurt if someone says you are fat, ugly, or need to smile more.
Like many women, I have struggled with my self worth and self confidence. "But Emily! You are so skinny and beautiful so there for you and your life are perfect" Ha!! Probably one of the biggest misconceptions you can have about a person you deem "Physically attractive" in your book. See, someone like me doesn't use their image as a tool or way to manipulate life, My body, my face, all of it is a gift just like was given to you. The shell I walk around in is no better or worse than anyone else's just based off how it looks to the world. "No pretty people get treated better" Really? tell that to the countless number of friends I never had growing up because girls just gave me dirty looks, or to all of the horrible comments I have received just simply trying to be myself in this world or being labeled as a bitch, with out someone even getting to know me because I decided to dress nice one day, so clearly that means I am stuck up for putting in effort. Bottom line people, BEING PRETTY DOESN'T MEAN SHIT! What does your heart look like? Having a pretty face doesn't earn you friends, being kind does. My life hasn't escaped any daily trials because I am skinny. It's all in how we perceive it. "Well Emily you don't know anything because people call me fat and tell me to kill myself." Awwww really, me too! there is another thing we have in common. Body shaming is common in today's world. Its the number one online bullying topic everyone goes through. Skinny, fat, fit, fucking perfectly altered with thousands of dollars in plastic surgery and some ass hole is always going to tell you that you are ugly. So how do we change this? We change how we see and feel about ourselves. Why? Because that's what matters. No dill-hole on Facebook coming at you with another generic un-creative "Your Fat"comment is going to shape the direction of your life or what you succeed at, that's your choice. Easier said than done, yea, but that's why it's so important to grow everyday and keep working on your mental and emotional strength to over come. It's also why, we as humans need to reach out and help and encourage others in how they see themselves. Support is important and we should all get it.
I have a daily internal struggle with how the world tells me I am suppose to be and who I know I am. The difference between me and a lot of women is, I fight back. I wear the not sexy outfit and still tell myself "Bitch you sexy" I put on the ridiculous cat shirt and still handle professional matters even though I look like a 13 year old girl who purrs when she is happy because CATS! I love being sexy and pretty and embracing that strong beautiful side of myself, who imagines she walks into every Walmart like Jessica Rabbit, and wears heels everywhere and flutters her eye lashes but lets be real, most days I look like Ruby Rose and Justin Bieber had a baby who doesn't give any fucks.. to anyone. Joggers that say Bossy in sequins, check! Too high socks, check! Beanie, check! Combat boots, check! Ridiculous shirt with something stupid written on it, check! Do I care if it looks like I got dressed blind folded and don't look "Sexy" NOPE! Why? Because I am me and I'm happy with this look so screw anyone else. I mean unless they are stealing my outfit, then in that case, sucks to be them, HA!
My family hates that I use the term "No Fucks" but I truly find it the most expressive for how I feel in my life right now. I gave so many fucks to so many people and all it did was destroy me. So now I keep them locked away safe for what matters. My kids, my boyfriend, my best friend, my family, my cat, for me. You don't have to embody the worlds idea of "The Perfect Woman" to be perfect and you sure as hell don't have to only allow one side of you to shine. People make jokes about women having multiple personalities, and I am totally ok with accepting all mine. All of them are here and present and loudly voicing their opinions and passions for the world to see, and none of them care if they get judged, The loud silly me stands there laughing and humping the air screaming "TAKE THAT HATERS" while the strong, bold and dominant me stands there ready to get her Vin Deisel chest puffed out if someone messes with said sassy face. Then there is messy quiet me who wants to just go home and hide in her own thoughts, but glamorous girlie me is trying to hold her down and put a dress on her so we can all go out lol. I don't want to conform to the world or to the industry, because that will mean denying a part of me. That ultimately means losing a part of myself that is important to the entirety of who I was created to be. I did that for a long time... I was really sad and lost and now I see how much it just wasn't worth it.
We all live in this superficial world where we shape ourselves to fit into other peoples ideas or opinions of how we should be. "If I look like this maybe he or she will love me" "If I change who I am maybe I will succeed more." "If I like more than one thing or express myself in more than one style people will call me a poser"
We all live our lives wasting so much time focusing on how we think others see us that we don't even truly see ourselves. Why is that? Think about it, the daily stresses you go through over even small things don't bother that girl online who in her own opinion of the human body thinks that you qualify to be called fat. The stresses you carry, the life choices, schedules, heartaches, dreams, none of those choices matter or effect her life, you carry all of them. So why let her one opinion of you matter? Everything you face personally doesn't cross her mind once. It doesn't make her lose sleep or stay up concerned. Your life does not matter to the bully judging you so why let their opinion of who you are matter to you?
So what does this all mean? Simple, we are all growing human beings that are turning into nothing but self loathing people because we are too afraid to be ourselves. We get into relationships faking who we are out of fear of rejection. We lie on job applications out of fear of not being good enough to hire. We photo shop our own damn selfies out of fear of the world not liking the way we look.
I have spent the past three years really focusing on embracing the me I know I am and forgetting the me others turned me into. My ex, online haters, past "friends", family. It's no ones right to mold who you are to make them happy with your life. They aren't living your life, you are! "Emily I wish I could wear the crazy outfits you do but I can't pull them off" Do you know what I hear, "I really want to wear whatever I want like you do but someone might make fun of me if they don't like it" SO WHAT! Sometimes I cant help but laugh at the looks I put together and then leave the house. I remember when I use to stress so hard over what I wore because I worried people would laugh at me, now I guarantee they will and welcome it.
They only time who you are is negative is when you accept someones negative opinion of you. When you embrace the idea of who you are that someone else has defined and decided, instead of yourself. That is when it becomes poison to you.
I've struggled with the "I just want to be the hot girl" phase. You know, the girl who a messy bun looks like a perfected style and her sweat pants makes her booty pop and she never looks bad. The girl who has the perfect house with the perfect wardrobe and her tan is always tropical. Yea I totally have had my moments where I think if I always wear expensive brands and have glitter on everything then my life will somehow work better. Then, naturally I come back to reality and remember I like to wear cat shirts too much to always be on fleek lol. Honestly, I am not that girl. I am the dorky, couldn't wear a sexy Halloween costume girl because she knew wearing that meant she couldn't dance stupid and be her ridiculous self. I am the girl who has cat slippers and gives herself a double chin on purpose in her snap chats to random guys hitting on her. I will never be that booty in the mirror sexy perfect girl. It isn't who I am. I love those girls. Their confidence of their sexy is empowering, but it isn't my sexy, and I had to learn that my sexy is just as good. I am unique and special and the world needs me in it the way I am, that's why I was created to be here. If I change who I am for others to benefit, I miss out on my purpose because I am no longer the person needed to accomplish what I was put here for.
Everyone wants girls to be their ideal image. You want the perfect "squad" of girls or the hottest girlfriend. So you look for the same fake people who have conformed to what the media says they need to look like and be, and who you need in your life. Thus is the vicious cycle of fake people being urged to continue down that path because clearly doing so means you will have a boyfriend or girlfriend or the perfect group of friends like in your favorite Netflix drama... WRONG. We feed on perceptions of life and people that are created, not real people who are praised for embracing their inner energies. I for one am tired of it. I decided last year that I was riding my life of fake people who think that how they are is ok. Being the perfect idea of the image they want to be while sacrificing real connections with other people so they can purely succeed in their own filtered image of self and life. Screw that. I want real women in my life. Beautifully flawed women who have lived life and learn from it and embrace the scares it has given them. Ones who laugh too loud or could careless if they are as sexy as the hottest celebrity because they don't even consider applying that to themselves. Women who just want to be themselves and share that beauty with others who want the same.
Get girls in your life who strive to be the best versions of themselves that they can and then encourage that and help them grow. Stand together and push out the negative unrealistic standards we are suppose to meet daily and instead set your own goals and help each other reach them. Be perfect in yourself and perfect in your flaws and learn why that is the ideal beauty and not what the magazines tell you. Not what Hollywood tells you and sure as hell what that ass hole person in your life tries to make you believe.
Find you a girl who can be herself and help you embrace who you really are and be proud. Help each other, and help change the standards set on beauty that really isn't beautiful at all but stealing the natural beauty put on this earth daily. You are what is beautiful in this world and if you let others steal that, the entire world loses out on the light you bring to it. Be Yourself. Love Yourself. And know that I love you and your face.
"Remember To Always Be Yourself & You Will Always Be In Style"
Emily Doll TVD
If you are a reader, fan, follower or someone with questions, please email me at email@example.com
If you are a brand, designer, company,small business, magazine, photographer or someone who wants to work with me. Please send all emails to firstname.lastname@example.org
Thank you for reading! See you next time!
LOGO BY CROSSFADE PRODUCTIONS