Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Fatness Alwaysdines.. A Family Treasure Lost But Not Forgotten

We Love You Fatness
Our Kitty, Our Loss, Our Memories, and New Beginnings 
Emily Doll

Since I was very little we had cats. My mom was totally that crazy cat lady who fed and adopted every cat in the neighborhood. It drove my Grandma crazy. I got my first kitten when I was about four, I named him Winker-Doodled and insisted that he was in fact a she lol. I loved him and he lived a very long time. I've had several cats since then. My Zoe who was purposefully hit by a man in his yellow Corvette when he drove past our house, and when my mother confronted him he handed me twenty dollars and said "Just go buy a new one" I was so upset. I had Cargo Buster Buzz Buzz Coop, who my Aunt found under the hood of a car. He slept on the table while I did my school work and would play hide and go seek with me in the living room. I would count and he would run and hide under the piano. When I would go look for him, he would jump out and jump on my back and attack me lol. My Grandma started letting him out and he stopped coming home after a while. It was a sad day. I took care of a kitten I named Willie that my sister found and brought home. I woke up every night and put him in my robe pocket while I made his bottle. He was very sick and too little to get better. I've had several other cats come in and out of my life since then, they all made their impact in their own ways, and then I got my two little black cats...

We found Chubby and Skinny under our porch after I had moved back in with my ex husband after a summer apart due to his infidelity. They looked identical, other than one was fat and one was skinny lol. Ben was only two and he loved them. He called them his brothers and they played in his toy room with him. Skinny was his own man. He came and got love then went on his way, but Chubby, he was a lover. The type that jumps from the floor onto your back to get attention. He use to take baths with me, sleep on my face, he was so amazing. These cats were my only source of comfort or love over those last two years my ex and I were together. He was always gone and they were always there for Ben and I. I loved them so much. Someone poisoned Skinny and he fought so hard to get better but we had to put him down. That was a hard day for me. Then while I was pregnant with Charlie, my parents redid the floors in my home so I couldn't be there, It wasn't until I went home after I had Charlie that poor Chubby got to see us. He struggled so much while Ben and I were gone. He jumped into my arms the day I brought Charlie home. He snuggled up to him on his Boppy while he nursed after his bath the first night home, he was so happy we were back after several weeks. The next morning I woke up to find a dog had attacked and killed him on our front lawn when he went out to go potty. My heart broke. I had never been so attached to an animal before. I had loved my past animals but I never could understand that connection people had that made them "like family" until these two cats. I was so sad and lonely. My heart was so broken from my ex and how he was never there for us but out with others doing what he found more important. These fur babies were a part of Ben and I and losing them cut deep. These cats were our family and Ben suffered greatly. "I want my kitties back" 

I never wanted another cat again after that pain... Then Fatness came along.

We lived on a street that had a lot of strays that me and my neighbors took care of. The woman across the street was big on not fixing her cats and also not taking care of them. So we made sure there was always water for everyone. We knew them all very well so when a big fluffy white fur ball showed up she caught our attention. Clearly she was well taken care of. She was pure white with long fluffy hair and was extremely round. I don't mean fluffy round, I mean she was solid round. She was all kitty under that fur. Me and my friends next door left her alone figuring maybe she got out on accident and would go home. Surely someone cared for this beautiful expensive looking cat right? Well several days past and she was still hanging out in our front yards. It was early in December and there was a snow storm coming. We couldn't leave her out there. My mother was over one night and used her cat lady special ops skills to grab her, at first she wasn't to friendly. 
We brought her in and she hid for a few days. Sleeping behind the dresser, slowly she came out to make friends with Ben and I. Sleeping with Ben on the couch and leaving big hair rings on the carpet where she would roll her big self around lol.
It wasn't long after she started getting comfortable that all of us lost our home and had a huge life change. December  13, 2013 my ex husband kicked me and the boys out. I took my babies and our new friend and left to my parents. This is when things got hard. Why do I share something so personal and painful, because you couldn't really appreciate how amazing Fatness is with out knowing a little bit about what she helped us get through. 
It was such a heart breaking point in my life. I was coming out of such a horrible relationship that had been my entire life for 8 years. I was scared, heart broken, worried about my kids. Charlie was only 3 months old at the time. I cried so so much. I remember all three of us crawling into bed that first night, my heart literally aching from what was happening. My babies sleeping next to me... That is the moment that me and this new kitty connected. She got onto the bed and literally spooned me. This is a pretty amazing thing when the cat is as big as her. She purred and was so warm. She slept with me every night from that point on. 
She started out as Bumble, like the Abominable Snow Monster lol, Ben of course insisted on her name being the super obvious Fluffy, but to me she was Fatness, Fatness Alwaysdines. 
Our relationship grew to great depths over the next three years. She lived in my bedroom and ruled the entire upstairs. She was the queen of her level in the house because my mother had seven dogs that she wasn't too fond of. Her and my basset hound Daisy May eventually made friends, and Daisy was allowed up in my room to hang out with me while I got dressed for work. Only rule was, no eye contact when walking past. The other dogs, well she kicked their butts all the way back down the stairs if they tried to do the same lol. I had to vacuum my bed daily due to her massive amounts of fuzz left from her lounging all day. I didn't mind. She was my roommate and I loved her.
The first year she had her biggest job. She comforted me every time I had to kiss my babies goodbye when they went to their dads. This was so hard on me. I went to being with them all day everyday because he was always gone, to having to let them go with someone who really didn't know much about them. They were so little. My heart ached. I would cry and go to my room and there she was, ready and purring. 
As we went into the second year my anxiety peaked. Now having to put my children in the car with their father while they begged and cried to not go while holding on to me. Having your children beg you to not make them go and legally having to shut the car door and walk away while they scream for you, is the most gut wrenching hard thing I have ever done. I was so sick. Sick of what I was going through, sick of the pain my kids were suffering, sick of not being able to save them from the chaos. It was a huge struggle, and every time I went back to my room she was there. Ready and purring. 
She was my main source of comfort in all of the time I spent alone. If I wasn't at work and my boys were gone, I spent my time in bed cuddling with her. She would lick me, then bite me because she thought she was a ferocious beast lol. She laid on top of me and rubbed her face all over mine until I had hair in my mouth lol. 
We spent a lot of time together. Our favorite thing to do was Netflix and Chill. She binge watched all the Orange Is The New Blacks, New Girls, Walking Deads and Vampire Diaries with me. She always got what fell out of my Taco Bell tacos when I was done and had her own movie blanket. 

When it was late at night and I couldn't sleep she was there, in my face at all times. I had a pillow and she had a pillow, only her hair some how was on all of the pillows lol. She liked to sleep right up against me on the pillow next to me, if not there she made sure to sleep right on top of my feet all night to ensure I wasn't able to move. We liked to sleep in late on the mornings I didn't have to go to work. I always woke up to a purr and an aggressive head butt of "pet me!' 
But I wasn't the only one she liked to sleep with. Before I was able to afford to get my boys their own beds, they slept with me in mine every night. We were all like sardines in a can. Which looks cute but they both like to plank and sleep sideways most nights, and Charlie is always debating Ben in his sleep. When I would stay up late on the phone and video chatting with a very special someone, she always made sure the boys had good dreams. They loved her very much and even forgave her when she would play a little too rough and leave her claws out. 
Ben said she was his cat, and he was her daddy and Charlie was her step dad. He loved it when she would sleep on his bunk bed at night but not too happy about her stealing his pillow.
Charlie loved trying to do her fur with my hair ties and trying his hardest to get her to care about his Monster Trucks, but shes all girl and didn't care about such things. 
She loved being brushed. But be ready for a chase. She loved it so much she couldn't keep still, and you would have to chase her all over the top story of the house as she purred and rolled and put her big fat tummy in the air, not to brush though, just to make you think so, so she could attack you and then run off. The hair I would have to clean up after a brushing session, goodness. I am pretty sure my best accessory at all times was Fatness fur hands down. 

She had a very spoiled and relaxed life style. She got to sit on the roof and catch some rays when she felt cooped up in the bedrooms, she always had a queen sized bed to take over when I left for work and her food bowl was filled everyday. I had to make sure she lived up to her name. She slept mostly, but that's what Princesses do. Fatness didn't take crap from no one. She loved her people and that was it. She sat on the stairs glaring at the dogs at night if I hadn't come to bed, that's how I knew I had been up too long. She would sit and watch me from between the stair rails waiting for me to come snuggle. So snuggle I did. 
She had an amazingly epic case of RSB, you know, Resting Bitch Face. Mostly in photos we took together. She made me totally look like that kind of mom in our pictures lol. But I took a lot. I loved her and wanted to show off my baby. If she didn't want love she would get up and move, so much like my kids. When I would get dressed in the morning she would lay on the foot of my bed and slap my butt as I walked by. She was my best pep talk in the mornings. Then as soon as I took off my pajamas and laid them on my bed she would run right over to lay on them and rub her face all over them. She had to make sure they were covered in hair for bed time the next night of course. 

She made friends with an orange tabby my mom brought home. We named him Frank and she beat the crap out of him at first. He didn't take it well. He was a lover and just wanted to rub his face on hers. It didn't take him long to win her over and they became friends. I think she realized he wasn't going to give up. He was pushy lol. They shared the bedrooms and the food bowl. She let him hang out in my room with us while we watched movies, and he was allowed to sleep on the bottom bunk with charlie because she called tops with Ben. 

She scared me bad twice this year. Once when she got out front and was gone for several days and the other when we had our house fire. I went back in to look for her but the smoke was too thick and I couldn't see or breathe. I screamed and screamed for her. I couldn't find her. I punched out the up stairs screens in the windows hoping she would find them and jump out. Thankfully, the firemen found her and brought her to us. For a minute I wasn't sure this black cat they handed me was mine. She wasn't happy about the next three hours of being in my van with all of my moms dogs, that's for sure. 

After our house fire the boys and I moved into our own apartment. After we got settled in, we went and got Fatness. Of course at first she hid under the bed, but then she realized she was the only animal in the castle and there were no dogs to watch out for. The first night she slept with me in my bed like always. After a few days she started to venture out and learn about all the new space she had. following me around in the kitchen and meowing. Then I let her out on the balcony. She thought she was really getting away with something. So spoiled, She started sitting with my boyfriend when he was out there and making friends. She liked her new home and it was perfect. 
Fatness started getting distant the beginning of December. She started sleeping under the table instead of with me. I noticed she wasn't emptying her food bowl daily like always. I figured it was because I switched her food. So next grocery trip I got her the food she use to eat. Still nothing. She began to lose weight, and moved into my closet to sleep under a small shelf. I was worried she was getting depressed and struggling with the transition. She still came out to get brushed and was purring loudly. Its when I noticed her starting to go potty in the bathroom when I knew she was off. She always uses her sandbox. The morning my mother took her to the vet I noticed she wasn't walking right. Wobbly, and her breathing was shaky. I went to work and waited until my mom texted me from the vet. It wasn't good news...
They put Fatness on oxygen right away. Then an IV. The tests came back that she had contracted Fungal Pneumonia. I had never heard of this ever. They said she likely caught it back this summer. Its air born and carried by birds.
The vet gave her a 65% chance of recovery if we kept her there for three days on medication, but even after she came home, she would likely be on medication for the rest of her life so she doesn't relapse.
I was given the option of either trying or putting her to sleep. After asking about how her life would be on the meds and that she was only 5 years old, I knew we had to try. She had taken such good care of us, we had to do the same. I felt hopeful. 65% is a good chance.
The next morning my boyfriend called me to let me know she hadn't made it. She went into cardiac arrest and her heart gave out..

I felt like someone punched me in the chest. I never even considered life with out her. She was fine and then she was gone. It's hard not blaming myself. I should have taken her sooner to the vet but had to work and my boss wouldn't give me the time off to take her. I feel guilty. It's hard not to. I'm heart broken and I don't know how to do life with out her being there. Shes been there for me through the entire transition of my life. Through the end of an abusive relationship, to divorce, to not having my kids, to a house fire... So many hard things she was there for. My little angel is gone and I am going to miss her so much.

I never really understood how you can be connected to an animal until I got Fatness. She was so much more than just a cat. She was a huge part of our family, to both me and my boys. She was different and I will always be grateful to her, for what she gave us while she was here. Going home last night after I got the news was so hard. She wasn't there. She's always there when we get home. No cuddles. Its so hard losing an animal because they truly become your best friends. My Aunt said it best when she said "It's funny how animals give you the best days of your life and then one of the very worst"
that couldn't be more true.

Fatness will always be a part of our family and hold a spot in my heart. I have so many amazing memories with her and she helped me through the hardest time in my life. It hurts that she is gone, but she gave us so much while she was here and we will always be so grateful for that. 
She is going to be missed greatly every single day, and loved even more forever. 

Goodbye Little Sugar, Until we meet again... 

In the memory of Fatness I hope that you will all help me donate to places that help the furr babies of the world every day to find homes and love. 

Donations made in remembrance honor your loved one's memory by helping ensure a better life for animals and giving hope to those still in need. 
Thank You.

Emily Doll 

"Remember To Always Be Yourself & You Will Always Be In Style"


Emily Doll TVD

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