Thursday, February 2, 2017

Because I'm A Lady!



Because I'm A Lady!
That's Why Everything I Do Is Judged
By
Emily Doll 

I grew up in a female dominant home. My Dad was a long haul truck driver who was only home one weekend a month, and my mom was a stay at home mom most of my life. I had mostly aunts and female cousins along with a big sister and my Grandma. My big brother and my two Uncles were totally out numbered. The women in my family are the type that take no shit.. from anyone. They all wear the pants in their relationships and are not afraid to speak their mind, take control or tell their opinion. Also good luck changing either of those. I was taught to always be a lady, be modest and classy, always represent what a LADY should be... You know, typical things. Keep yourself covered, don't curse, don't be over sexual, don't be brass, don't be vulgar... You know, things that keep you out of the lady category, when you are suppose to be the poster child for it. 

 My big sister is my total opposite. She was always the wild one while I was the timid one. She got in enough trouble for both of us growing up and never let anyone put her in a box. She was always judged for her reckless ways, but now that I am older I realize she was just trying to express herself and learn who she was. Even if her tactics were different then most or not understood by others, she was her own person and that was the type that pushes boundaries and never thinks before she acts. Sure shes made stupid choices and mistakes, who hasn't? The biggest problem is shes always been judged for being who she is, and who she is just happens to fall out of line from your typical "lady" stereotype. How is that her fault? She is who she is and because it doesn't fit the mold she is judged for it? I call bullshit. She is a woman. A brave, brassy, loud, beautiful woman who does her best. Sure I make fun of her, shes my big sister, it is literally in my job description of being a little sister to give her a hard time. I am also the one who tried to fight her huge brick wall of a boyfriend when I was ten for calling her a slut. I love my sister and the older I get and the more woman I become, the more I can see her view of this crazy world. The point being that just because I stayed in the box and was the poster child for being a "lady" in a lot of peoples eyes growing up and she didn't, doesn't make her less of a lady. I think its bullshit to make a woman second guess who she is because she doesn't fit into your ideals. My sister is a lady, and shes also a total bad ass! Shes been to jail... shes going to kill me for saying that if she reads this. haha love you! 

We are put into categories as women. Some of those categories are respected more than others. I'm learning more about my self as the years go by and its easy to see that who I was as a lady then, and who I am as a lady now are seen very different. But why? Maybe because I say fuck more than I should to express myself and say I love sex? How dare I! Slut! Yes, I have been called such, Mostly by people who don't know me but I digress. I have been through a lot of shit, most of which before I was even 25. Heartbreaking shit. I am no longer the lady I use to be because my scars have turned me into the lady I am today. I also find that its total crap to be told you cant embrace yourself, your passions, your ideas and personalities because they aren't considered to be lady like qualities. 

Sure, my mom hates that I say fuck, she has the right to feel that way and I have the right to use it to express myself. I lived almost ten years suppressing myself, who I am, and who I am suppose to be, for someone else's benefit and now that I'm free and the flood gates are open, honestly I think I am scaring people and am starting to see how my sister has felt all these years. Why is it bad for me to be who I am? Why am I told I am being a crude classless woman and not lady like for embracing all of my fucked up pieces? The brave ones, the messed up ones, the sexual ones, the raunchy ones, the kind ones. There are a lot of pieces that make me who I am and I don't think its fair that I am told to suppress them because some of them aren't considered lady like. 
Yes I get it, I understand why certain things are considered un lady like, but I also understand self expression and how its different for everyone. Different things empower different people in different ways and it should be no different for women. If a woman finds her power in being extremely modest, then power to her, but also power to the woman who finds her power more openly. Our brains all work differently and I think we should all be allowed to do so. You don't have to agree with me or embrace yourself like I do and I respect that, but don't judge me for living differently. 

I think one of the biggest topics that would cause a woman to be seen as less lady like is her sexuality. I grew up in a home where sex was only between married couples and you don't talk about it. Don't talk about it, don't like it, don't get it from behind.. No, I'm kidding lol. But that's how it was. The only sex talk I got was when my mom told me, "Sex is great and it feels good, but don't do it until you are married" lol. Well, I was pregnant when I got married. So there's that. Ladies save themselves, and are modest, and don't talk about it. Ok, that's great and all but I don't see sex as something to be ashamed of taking part in. Women are just as sexual as men and I have come to find out that a lot of women aren't being satisfied by their partners sexually lately. Almost like some men are scared to get rough with them or give them what they want because it isn't respectful to choke your woman even if she asks for it. Let me tell you something. As a strong woman who has the right to choose her paths, I find strength and power in sex. If I choose to let you have that part of myself and in ways that I also enjoy that aren't all "vanilla" you aren't disrespecting me. I am giving you that opportunity because I have the right to. You aren't taking it from me, I am asserting that sexual power I have and letting you play in it because I chose to. Liking sex, being sexual, sharing that part of myself does not make me a slut. It makes me a grown woman embracing the pleasures of the opposite sex. In my case, my boyfriend, So don't start thinking I am a freak, well I am but only with him. 

Women can be sexual. It's healthy and a huge part of a relationship. I've been in a relationship that used my sexuality against me and to hurt and manipulate me and that helped destroy that relationship.  Now in a healthy and happy relationship I truly see how important that connection is. Its a huge part of how I connect and I don't think I should be made to feel bad for being the way I am in that area because its not ok for women to express themselves in those ways.  I feel like I've shared my soul with someone when I connect on that level, its a very important thing to me and very important when I am in a relationship. I chose to give you that part of me. Its an important part of myself that should never be devalued and sharing it with someone I am not married to, doesn't make me less of a lady. "But Emily! You are a Christian and know better!" I know, I have faith in a higher power and which higher power I believe in, and I know he knows my heart. I think the no sex before marriage is a way to protect you from sharing too much of that piece of yourself to people who wont respect you or  take care of that gift. A lot of people lose themselves because people take advantage of that gift, and after so many people don't appreciate that, you can feel really broken. That isn't your fault and it doesn't make you a slut. You want to share that gift, and that's ok. Some people just don't know how to take care of it. And sometimes you share it for fun and that's ok too. Do you boo. Just always make sure to take care of yourself and be safe. 

Women should be free to live healthy happy SEXUAL lives with out limits and with out the fear of being put into a negative category. We shouldn't be told we are less than who we see ourselves and embrace ourselves as, or that we don't measure up, or that no one will want us or marry us or respect us for doing such. Maybe Bonnie doesn't want to get married, maybe Bonnie just wants to live with her boyfriend and love him and have him respect her and make her his equal team mate in life and also have hot freaky sex. I don't think Bonnie should be told she's a slut or less of a lady because of such. Especially if she is in a healthy, happy and safe relationship built on love, respect and trust.

I like feeling sexy and I like demanding respect for who I am because I should get it. Every woman deserves respect no matter if she is modest or the total opposite. I know who I am. I know who I use to be and how different the two are. I never in a million years would have just shared what I did with you all a few years ago. Out of fear of what others would think as well as thinking I was wrong to be the way I am. Not anymore. I am vocal. I am strong and I am me in all the ways I can be. Some of those ways may be a little fucked up, but I am great in the areas that count. I am nice, polite if you deserve it, respectful until you don't deserve it, honest, kind, honorable, hard working, compassionate, I care about others, I am who I am and I fucking accept it, even if you don't because fuck isn't in your lady like vocabulary. I am a good person and a strong woman who is learning more and more about herself and I am learning that maybe who I am may not always be accepted but I accept myself and that's what counts. My boyfriend loves and empowers me, my best friend feeds my crazy like a hungry shark and just smiles and laughs when I go on rants in the mall, they love me for who I am even if I am the black sheep in the family these days. But hey, I think my big sister needed a break from the title anyways. 

You are a lady. In all of your freaky, raunchy nature. In your modest nature. In your dominant nature or your submissive behavior. You have the right to choose and be loved no matter what your kinks are, no matter what your style is, if you are loud and aggressive or quiet and meek. I think we as women have too much we are suppose to live up to that might not always fit who we are. I don't think we should have to strive to fit what is socially accepted but strive to fit into what is our most comfortable and confident selves. We work so hard to love our bodies and ignore the pressures put on us in that area, why should we also have to worry about changing our entirety as people as well? I just want to be myself and be loved and accepted and not told I need to change to be so. I don't think there should be rules on what makes you a lady or what could keep you from being so. We shouldn't be seen as less than so because of how we live. Some women choose to have multiple lovers, I choose to dedicate myself to one. Do I judge them or think less of them? Hell no! That is their choice. If they are happy and healthy that's what I care about. It's funny how men still get pat on the back for sleeping with women but women will still be called a slut for doing the same. Get over your mindset. We are all human and all trying to live out our lives the way that makes us happy. Embrace the type of life that you want and let others do the same. If our life isn't for you then don't worry because it isn't yours to live. It's as simple as that.

I am a Lady! Hear me fucking roar!
(...Sorry Mom, I love you.) 


"Remember To Always Be Yourself & You Will Always Be In Style"


XOXO

Emily Doll TVD

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